Kill Yourself
by Dani1314
Summary: Benjamin Hardin AKA 'Benny'loses his wife, job, house, and money. And because he had bad luck all his life. He decides to kill himself. But every attempt ends with him still alive.
1. Chapter 1

"Benny I want a divorce." "Happy Anniversary! Hold on what?" "I want a divorce." "No you don't." "Ben…" "Why would you want a divorce?" "Because Ben, I want to try new experiences." "New experiences? New experiences! Why not trying to experience our 12th anniversary?" "Ben I want to try other things. Like threesomes, orgies, lesbian sex. I want to see a man have sex with another man." "Are you serious? Those are the experiences! Watch some damn porn for all that!" "Benny don't get hysterical." "Don't get hysterical! My wife wants a divorce because she wants to go on a 50 shades of grey adventure!" "It's not just that Ben." "Then what is it then." "I'm not excited." "You're not excited. Why are you not excited?" "Well I don't feel the excitement in our marriage. (Benny just stares at her blankly) Like when we got married, I felt excited. When we had the kids, I felt excited. When we made love for the 1st time, I felt excited. Our very 1st anniversary, so much excitement, everything was exciting. But now everything seems like a routine." "That's what marriage is!" (Benny starts to cry) "Benny don't cry. That's making this harder." "The love of my life, the only girlfriend I ever dated, and my wife wants a divorce because she wants to experience the 50 shades of grey. And you expect me not to cry." "Well no. (Benny looks at her with frustration) All you have to do is sign right here and we won't have to take this to court." "Wow you're a bigger jerk than I thought." "Don't be like that Ben." "So you want child support and alimony." "No alimony, just the house and child support." "Well aren't I lucky." "The kids spend Monday through Thursday with me— "I see that here." "Ok I'll let you look through that. (Benny continues to look at the papers) Benjamin, I know you want me to be happy. The same way I would want you to be happy. (Benny deeply sighs and still looks at the papers) Fine, I'll leave you alone." (She leaves the room and Benny signs the papers) "There's your divorce. I hope whatever you looking for breaks your heart too."


	2. Chapter 2

"Benny this is the last of it." "Thanks Ronald." "Any time man, let's go before we'll be late. (Benny and Ronald goes out of the 5 story apartment and gets in this old rusted car. The door didn't match the body of the car less than each other. There's no paint on the car. No windshield wipers, the windows were busted, and the seats really needed to be replaced) so she didn't even let you have the car." "What do you think?" (Ronald tries to close the door) "Um Ben the door won't close." "Hold on. (Benny grabs a bat and goes around the car) I advise you to cover your ears. (Benny swings the bat and slams the door shut) You ok?" "Yeah I'm cool, ears ringing though." "I told you to cover your ears." "Why won't let me buy you a car? Let me you help out." "No I'm fine." "Dude, you've been looking like a mess for the last 3 weeks. You haven't been focusing on work. You're driving around in this deathtrap. Ben, you are screaming for help." "Ron, I don't want your help. I just want to go work in silence right now." "Yeah ok, can you turn the radio at least?" "No the radio catches on fire."

"Benny, now today you're meeting up with the Counsel of Dollar Tree." "Why am I meeting them?" "Remember Dollar Tree has that lawsuit against that blind woman." "I don't remember." "When the woman had claimed that she slipped and broke your hip and knee on the spilled items in dollar tree." "Oh right and dollar tree has carpet." "Exactly, um Ben you ok? I mean you sure you don't need any assistance." "Of course, I got this." "I'm just saying the last time you broke down crying and yelling at all the women. They thought you were sexist. Then when you wrote the summery it said and I quote, 'Why? Tell me what's wrong. Come back I'll try the gay sex.' Now do you need any assistance?" "No I'm fine. I drank tons of coffee." "Yeah ok Ben, please don't screw this up. (Benny walks down the hall in his slippers) Ben! You're wearing slippers!" "Oh, thanks Ron!" "Man he needs my help." (Ronald follows Benny all the way into the broad room)

"Good Morning Counsel." "Good Morning Benjamin and Ronald." "Ronald? Ronald! I got this." "I know I'm just here to watch." "Fine, sit there and just watch." "Nice weather we having huh? Ok so what we are meeting for?" "Seriously, Benjamin?" "Well yeah, I totally forgot. I mean it's been a long time, right?" "Benjamin, you called this meeting." "I did? Oh I did! I did." "Yes you did Benjamin, you called this meeting to discuss about the case of the blind woman." "Thank you Ronald. Anyway, you will approximately lose about 2 million dollars." "We know that Benjamin." "I know you know that." "And what Benjamin has found that she's winning under a sympathy vote. He actually found your loop hole Gentlemen." "How can we use that?" "See the 3 judges who siding with the blind woman is braking the law. They don't even care to hear the case. Also Dollar Tree has carpet so there is no way that she could've fallen. She probably did fall but not in your establishment. And her grandson who was with her, probably just told her she fell in Dollar Tree and persuaded her to sue. That's what he found." "Thank Ronald." "But if they won't listen to the case then what?" "Well if they still want their jobs, I quite sure they have to listen to the case. Right Ben?" "Right Ronald and thanks again for being quiet." (The Counsel gives Ronald a standing ovation. Benny leaves out in anger) "Good Job Ronald, very good job. I'm a have a talk with your boss about you on the case. We want you." "Thank you sir but it was Benny's research." "I know but you delivered it. Lately Benjamin has been out of focus. He's been crying on trail. He screams at women. He can't defend our case at this rate." "But sir…" "No excuses, we need you. Benjamin can still be by your side. But we would you to present the case." "Benny gets to be beside me right?" "It doesn't matter." "Ok I'll do it."


	3. Chapter 3

"Benny, I didn't mean to take over the whole meeting." "Oh really, because it seemed like you kept talking when you was suppose to be quiet." "You were monologuing and they were getting impatient." "I had it under control." "Yeah, sure you did." "So what did they say?" "You sure you won't get mad." "Sure." "They want me to present the case." "Great…" "But you get to be present it with me." "Well that's makes everything better doesn't it." "Benjamin!" "Yes boss." "Can you come with me please?" "Yes Boss."

"Now did Ronald join you in a meeting that you called?" "Yes boss." "You know your not suppose to let any colleague join you without my consent." "Yes boss." "Lately you've been out of focus and everyone has noticed it." "Ok boss." "You've been yelling and screaming at women all time." "I'm sorry boss." "Your summary's has been depressed take me back letters." "I'm sorry boss." "You do know that the Counsel of Dollar Tree wants Ronald on the case." "I know boss." "So I'm putting him on him on the case. And as for you, you're fired." "Excuse me?" "You're fired Benjamin." "Are you kidding me?" "I wish I was. Trust me you are the best lawyer in this firm. I would never fire you but the broad wants you gone before you mess up something that could cost the company." "Please don't do this. I have no money, no family, and no house. If you fire me now, I will have nothing left. Can you demote me or something?" "Benjamin, you should just leave now before it gets worse." "Why won't they give me another chance?" "They said you had 3 weeks of chances, I'm sorry Benjamin. I tried, I really tried." "I guess." "If you need anything, do not hesitate to call me." "Yeah whatever, I'll leave immediately."

"What happen?" "I got fired." "Oh, I'm sorry Ben. It's my fault isn't it?" "No not really, it's my fault that I fell in love with a woman." "You know what, stay around until I get off." "For what, I'm fired." "I know but right now you need your best friend." "I guess." "And after I get off, we're going to have a guy's night." "Wonderful, just what I always wanted." "Don't make be sarcastic about it." "I'm not, can't you see the ecstatic trill on my face." "Yeah 4 hours can't get here fast enough."


	4. Chapter 4

"Ok let's go." "Did you know we actually had a cafeteria in the basement?" "No I didn't know that." "Yeah, they got some good food." "How come they never told us that?" "They probably just want to keep all the good food to themselves. So where are we going?" "It's a surprise and we'll take my car." "Well what I'm supposed to do with my car?" "Please just leave it." "Yeah I'll come back for it tomorrow."

"Really strip club?" "Yeah and don't worry, I got singles." ("Bring me to a strip club. I don't even watch porn.") "Benny, you are going to enjoy this. It's 4th of July night." "Wow dangerous." "Aww come on at least act like you're going to have fun. (Music starts and lights go dim) Here we go!" (3 girls come out behind the stage wearing blue thongs showing their big butts and too small white bras showing their nipples. The crowd roars and immediately starts throwing money) "And yet parents say stripping is a disgrace." "I know right! Woo girl you better shake that ass! Come on Benny! Be a nasty jerk for once!" "I'm going to the bar." "Ok dude I'll meet you there."

"Hey there, how are you?" "I'm fine, thanks for asking. Why are you over here? You don't look gay." "Well I have respect for women." "Other than that, dude." "Well I'm going through a divorce and basically losing everything." "Aww, why would any girl want to divorce you? You're sweet and you're sexy as hell." "Thanks but that wasn't enough to keep my wife." "Aww, you wanna hug?" "Sure, I would like that." (She walks around the bar. The woman is wearing a red thong, a blue bra, and white pumps. Then she sits on Benny's lap and hugs him but he doesn't hug back) "The purpose of a hug is to hold the person." "I know but…" "Oh yeah my uniform, I understand. (Jackie walks behind the bar) So what's your name handsome?" "Benny, and yours? I want the real name." "Oh smart ass huh? My real name is Jackie." "Yeah you look like a Jackie." "What, is it because I'm a redbone?" "No not at all. You're a very sexy redbone. You got the full juicy lips. You have the most beautiful gray eyes. You got the flowing brown hair. And don't even get me started on your body." "You can start on my body." (Benny gulps and blushes then Ronald comes up behind him) "Benny!" "Jeee you scared me." "Sorry my bad, you're getting into the stripper's spirit." "No not really." "Oh really, so what was that exchange about huh? She dropped something in your lap and forgot to pick it up?" "No she gave me a hug." "Wow you must be special." "Why you say that?" "I've been going to this strip club ever since I was 16." "16?" "Yeah father's day dude." "Yeah that's good parenting." "Anyway I remember when she rejected me and my father. Shoot she doesn't touch anyone. She's not even nice." "Well Jackie was nice to me." "Really real name basis already. I knew she had a thing for dark skin guys." "What you mean?" "It took me nearly 3 years to learn her real name." "Oh, so how old is she?" "I think she's like 27." "She's the same age as you." "Exactly, you would've thought she was younger. Heyyy Jackiayyy." "Seriously Ron?" "What, I can't say hi anymore?" "What do you want?" "Well I want my usual and Benny here wants— "An amaretto sour. Give me 3 please" "Ok Benny." "Oh not only are we drinking, we're getting girls that's out of our league." "What are you talking about?" "Don't play coy with me. 'Ok Benny'. She said that all flirty like." "So?" "So! You're not even paying her any mind. You're still thinking about your ex." "Well I won't be anymore." "Here your usual, and here's your drinks, Benny." "Thank you Jackie. (Benny picks up the drink and quickly drinks it) "Woo! That's a rush!" (Benny picks up another one and drinks it) "Ok Ben, I think you should slow down especially since you don't drink." "I know but it doesn't matter anymore." "So what you're going to do everything that you don't do?" "No I'm just sitting here having this drink, Oooo chilly." "Well you should be careful before you heel over and kill yourself." "Like anyone would care if I died." "Well I would." "You're my best friend. You don't count." "Go jump off a bridge dude. (Ronald laughs but Benny sits there thinking about what Ronald just said) What you thinking about now dude?" "I'm going to kill myself." "Dude I was playing about the whole bridge thing." "No I'm going to do it." "Ben, you wanted to kill yourself 3 times and you never done it. You're not going to kill yourself." "No I'm serious." "Yeah right, you're not gonna do shit." ("That's what you think.") "I want to go home." (Ben goes in his pocket) "Benny I got this." "Oh good, I don't have any cash. I was reaching for my watch. Give her $40 in tips. That's how much I tip. I'll see you in the car." "Unbelievable." "Oh it's you." "That didn't sound so friendly." "Can you do me a favor?" "It depends." "Get that thought right out of your head. Give my number to Benny." "Oh no, you're not going to date my best friend." "Wow y'all best friends. Obviously you're just a charity case." "Ha, ha, ha very funny, it is to laugh." "Shut up and give him my number" "Hey remember you dated me first, Jackie." "Don't remind me, loser. And don't be upset just because you couldn't hit it right." "Hey I resist that! You were my 3rd." "Whatever second man, give me my money." "Ok, ok here's your money hoe." "I rather be a hoe than a loser who can't go longer than 12 seconds." "Fuck you Jackie!" "Sorry you couldn't do it right!"

"Remember this number and call it at your convenient. 443 919 7016." "Ok 443, can you say the other ones?" "919 7016." "Ok and who number is this?" "That's Jackie's number." "Why would you give me this?" "Because Ben." "But what would be the point if I'm going to kill myself?" "Ben you're not going to kill yourself." "Yes I am." "Look you tried to kill yourself in middle school, high school, and college. But guess what you're still alive! Right now you're getting on my nerves, I'm about to kill you!" "Ooo can you do it quickly?" (Ronald starts up the car and drives Benny quickly home)


	5. Chapter 5

"Oh can you pick me up tomorrow so I can get my car." "You should just leave that car." "Ok, then can you drop me off at the bridge?" "Why?" "I'm meeting my kids; they never walked on the bridge." "Oh, ok. What time tomorrow?" "Whenever you leave for work, by the way will you ok with this?" "This what?" "Jackie being interested in me, I mean she is your ex." "That's the point. She's my ex. Do whatever you want to do." "Cool, just making sure."

"Come on let's go! (Benny steps outside wearing a black tux with brown alligator shoes) Wow you dressed really nice." "I know, I know." (Benny does a turn on his heels) "All right now don't be getting cocky, get your ass in this car."

"Umm where's the family?" "They're not coming." "What you mean they're not coming? I missed 30 minutes because of this." "I wanna tell you something." "What man?" "I love you like my younger brother. You always stood up for me." "What are you talking about?" "Just listen. I appreciate you and thank you. And congrads on the promotion, I know you're gonna be great on the case. I love you man." "Umm I love you too." (Benny gets out the car, runs towards the bridge, and jump. Ronald gets out the car and sees Benny hanging on the edge) "This is kind of high." "No shit. Don't do that. You give me a heart attack." "I'm sorry I didn't expect it to be this high." "You expected it to low?" "Well yeah." "Man come on. (Ronald reaches for Benny to help him out) Ooo I should push you over right now." "Did you see how dirty that water was? I wasn't gonna mess up this suit. And besides when I ran I remembered that I'm an expert swimmer. I can easily cut in the water and swim." "Well it's a good thing that you remembered. Get in the car; you're coming with me to work." "I don't want to sit around and do nothing." "You don't have a choice. You're coming with me." "I'm not a little child." "Well after what you just did, I'm a treat one like one. (They get in car) Now what the fuck is wrong with you? Jumping off bridges like that, people on the side of road were scared." "I'm sorry. I would've jumped if that water wasn't dirty." "Shut up! Don't talk! I should've figured you wasn't gonna see your kids, it's Wednesday." "That was your stupidity." "You don't talk! Do not talk!" "Fine." "Didn't think the joint was gonna be that high? The water was dirty. That was some stupid shit. What were you thinking?" "I was trying— "Didn't I say don't talk?" "Fine." "I didn't want to mess up my suit. The fuck you wear the suit for anyway? (Benny doesn't say anything) Hello I'm asking you a question." "Oh you want me to answer that? I wore the suit be— "I told you not to talk. Stop talking." (Benny blows air out his mouth)

"You did well." "Thank you sir." "Very well, Ronald. I know the broad made the best decision when we went with you." "Thank you sir. Umm sir is it all right if I be absent for the rest of the day?" "Where are you going in such a hurry?" "I need to check on somebody." "Oh very well, go ahead." "Thank you sir." "Oh and Ronald, don't worry about rushing in be on time for work. As long you're in before 11." "Thank you sir." "Have a good one." "You too sir, thank you sir." (Ronald walks fast to the front desk) "Where are you rushing to Ronald?" "Hey, is the gentlemen that came with me still here?" "No, he left a couple of minutes ago." "Damn, did he leave in my car or another one?" "He left in another one. It was really beat up." "Thank you so much. (Ronald runs all the way to parking lot, gets in his car, and speeds off. Ronald rides around town looking for Benny. He finds him 45 minutes later speeding on the highway) Benny! What the fuck?!" "I was serious! I'm going to kill myself!" "Benny, don't do this! (Ronald speeds up and tries to catch up with Benny) Damn that shit actually have speed. (Ronald dodges a couple of cars. Finally gets side by side to Benny and tries to ram him of the road) Benny now think about this!" "Think about what?! I lost everything!" "No you haven't!" "Yes I have!" (Benny rams into Ronald) "Ok if you're successful in crashing this car and killing yourself, what if you kill someone else too! Or better yet, you're not successful in killing yourself but you kill someone! Then what?!" (Benny continues speeding and suddenly stops. Then Ronald swerves around three cars and stops on the right side of Benny) "I'm sorry. I didn't think about that." "Seriously, I'm really about to hurt you. (Cars horns honk) Come on let's get out the middle of the road."


End file.
